The Moy family trio - 17 years strong. (Not sure Andy is amused in this photo, but we had a good chuckle.)
While many of my friends are running around after toddlers, I’m trying to figure out how to pay for college. Not for me, but for my son. In one month, he’ll start his senior year of high school, and college is right around the corner. Where has the time gone?
Starting a family when I was only 21 wasn’t exactly how I thought my life would play out. My chances of getting pregnant in the first place were slim, due to medications and health problems not related to psoriatic disease. At that point in my life, I had no signs my immune system would go haywire within a decade. I was trying to juggle a full load of college classes, my role as editor-in-chief for the college newspaper, work, and pregnancy. All of this chaos didn’t mean my husband and I regretted being young parents. It just meant things were going to be different.
Despite the odds of starting a family so young, we celebrated 17 of years of being a trio earlier this summer. Go Moy Family!
Many times over the years, I’ve been asked about turning our trio into a quartet, and that could have happened if it weren't for a miscarriage.
But honestly, I’m okay with that. Three is a great number for us.
When Andy was 4, he developed what his pediatrician called ringworm. A correct diagnosis — psoriasis — came about two months later when he saw a dermatologist. I can remember the doctor so clearly asking, “Who in your family has psoriasis?” And, despite the many times he asked, my answer was always the same: no one.
The next year, Andy was diagnosed with juvenile arthritis. His pediatric rheumatologist at the time also asked about family history. Again, my answer was no family member had autoimmune arthritis.
Three years later, it would become apparent that I was the family link. My body was just waiting in the shadows for a trigger to wreak havoc on myself. Soon I had a diagnosis of psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, and I learned that psoriatic disease is prevalent on my biological father’s side of the family.
The genes seemed stacked against us, and after seeing my little boy have such a hard time with both diseases with little in the way of helpful treatments that lasted more than six months at a time, I decided that our family would stay at three. Cost, lack of sleep with a baby, and limited time did play into the decision, but honestly, I don’t think I could live with the guilt if I knowingly passed on my genes a second time. It took years for me to get past blaming myself for what I passed down to Andy. I just don’t think I could go through that again.
Today, I know that blaming myself only made the situation worse. There is nothing I could have done to prevent this outcome. No parent likes to see a child in pain. Yes, Andy had a rough go and still has a tough time on occasion, but here’s the really great part: He’s 17 and about to enter his senior year of high-school. He has great friends, can drive a car (mom's still a bit nervous), and has a leadership role on the robotics team. He's smart, funny, and super independent. He loves people, animals and life. He's very talented and creates amazing artwork, and he makes me just so very proud. And, if I could go back and change history, I wouldn’t. I can’t imagine life without this kid.
Genes and Statistics
According to the National Psoriasis Foundation, there is a 10% chance of a child having psoriasis if one parent has psoriasis. That jumps to 50% if both parents have the disease. However, researchers estimate 10% of the general population inherits one or more of the genes that create a predisposition to psoriasis, but only 2-3% actually develop the disease.
When talking about juvenile arthritis, the Arthritis Foundation reports that studies show approximately 1 in 1,000 children have juvenile arthritis. In the case of identical twins, if one twin has juvenile arthritis, there is a 25% chance that the other one will also have the disease.
The Arthritis Foundation also reports that for families with one child who has arthritis, the chance that another sibling also having arthritis is 12 times greater. But it's important to put all of this into context. When considering that the regular population sees 1 in 1,000 with juvenile arthritis, a 12-times greater risk only equates to 1.2%. In other words, there is a 98% chance that another sibling will not have juvenile arthritis, and that is good news.
Some Mom Advice
My advice to those with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis who want to start a family: Follow your heart, and if that leads to having children, enjoy every smile and giggle from those little ones because they do grow up fast. And if you do pass on your genes, remember your children will get far more good genes from you than bad ones. The disease will only be one small part of your child. You will be amazed as to what your mini-me can accomplish despite having psoriasis or arthritis.
Be the best parents you can, have fun, enjoy life, and the rest will fall into place.
Research and medical treatments are expanding and evolving quickly. The cutting-edge medications available to Andy when he was 4 are now the norm. Outcomes for children are better now than at any time in history. [More information about research and outcomes for children with psoriaisis and juvenile arthritis can be found on the National Psoriasis Foundation and Arthritis Foundation (Kids Get Arthritis Too) websites.]
If you decide on having no children of your own, then that's okay, too. Starting a family or growing the one you already have is a personal decision. Just as one medication works well for one patient but not another, so does this family decision.
Even if you don't have any biological children, you can still be a parent. Look into adoption or foster care. Those may be great alternatives for you. You may also find that being the most wonderful aunt or uncle can be very rewarding, too.
For me, my family of three is perfect, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
